Well here i am 36015 feet above Iceland, outside temperature is -60c and i have approx 4 hrs 24 mins to go before i hit Chicago. I then have about an hour and 20 Mins to clear customs, do immigration. Collect bags. Re check bags. Change terminal and go back through security again. What fun!
I have been in the air for about 4 hours and it has been ok. Well up to this point but more about that later. Breakfast was served 20 mins after takeoff. I opted for the waffles and bacon option rather than the bacon and egg option. I wish someone hadn't had eggs. I think Guffy McGuff pants is sitting nearby, someone open a window please. Oh you can't in fear them being sucked out. Your point is?!?!!? It wasn't actually bad. One waffle with some congelled sweet syrup covering a slice of bacon/ham. Roll with marmalade, fruit salad complete.with core and pips, a strawberry yoghurt and i opted.for tea. Just as i was about to get my semi stewed nectar we hit turbulence so the whole service had to be postponed as the cabin crew had to sit on their bottoms as well. Here was me with said trolley parked up beside me and i could even have my cuppa. boo. Once turbulence stopped and tea slurped i thought i would settle down to my inflight entertainment, I was really looking forward to these films. Sherlock Holmes 2, Mission Impossible 50001 (whatever number it is now), The Artist and The Muppets. I love me some Muppets (I've been out with enough of them). Switched on my 8 channels of luxury. OK, my Weekend with Marilyn (saw that last week, keep scanning); Woman in Black (Saw that recently as well, keep scanning); Lady and The Tramp!!!! That's not even recent. I therefore thought, as they have have started Mays viewing on April 29th i would save Woman in Black for return flight. I opted for an episode of a TV series starring Debra Messing of Will and Grace fame about writing a musical Miss.Monroe. How terribly gay, two things about Marilyn on the same flight. I then decided to have my dose of The Big Bang Theory, young justice and Thundercats. As i am typing this it is extremely bumpy and turbulent. If the plane plummets from the sky and someone finds this in the sea. my Dr Who music goes to Amanda EE, my doctor who collection split between Dale and Andy, Greg and Stevie B, my xbox stuff to Layla and my cook books to be given to the needy. Failing that the sea water will damage this beyond repair and you would never know.
I mant my snacks. In the words of Patsy Stone. OI PEANUTS! !
So what happened 4 hours into my journey i hear you ask. Oh you didn't, well tough i'm going to tell anyway.
Seats strategically booked. Seat of three on right hand side so i can stretch my knee.Nothing in front, nothing behind nothing to the side. BLISS. Until now! The fattest man on the plane decides to sit directly in front of me so his son/daughter (im really not sure) can sprawl out on three seats. After trying to get himself comfortable by pushing back on the chair WHILE KNEELING ON IT. Decided it was broken enough as my tray was now sitting at precarious angle of about 30 degrees he would put the chair back, way back. Back further than it has ever been before in fact it cracked it went that fair back. So far back it was practically the middle ages!. "Oh wait is that's far back as it goes" he says. Erm, that would be a yes as i am very nearly sitting with knees by my chest. I have nothing against fat people as i to am part of the Who Ate All the Pies brigade but that's just rude!. Bouncing.against my.already sore knee isn't going to help. So i move into the middle seat to try and get the remainder flight with some leg room. Getting everything out ofthe pocket on my old seat by pinging the holder like a pair of over used braces. TWANG! Oh i could slide across seats. I think not. Grabbed the back of his seat to pull myself up and leggo. PADOING goes the chair with such force his glasses fell off. "oh sorry, I needed to move as I suddenly seem.to have run out of leg room"
Sweetie don't even try to out bitch me.
Now flying over Canada.only.one thing to say...OI PEANUTS!!!!
Ta Ta fo
Update. Still no sodding nuts however, 1 hour from landing and have been given cheese and ham roll, salted crisp and a single twixt. School trip packed.lunches are not dead