Monday, 31 January 2011

Time for a Regeneration to a younger self!

If it can happen to Tom Baker and David Tennant it's about time it happened to me :-)

I've just been to Tesco's to buy bits and pieces and handed over alcohol to the checkout girl, well I think it was a girl but you can't tell now adays.  She smiled sweetly and put it through, no checking age, questioning or anything.  Well I admit it was a bottle of sherry (It's for cooking honest), that combined with my Camomile and honey tea or my Cherry and Cinnamon tea may have given the impression of 'old person'.  Gone are the days of being ID'd for alcohol, or given flyers to 'hip and trendy clubs'.  I'm not that old I can still go clubbing if I want to.

I may have a Wii fit age of 26, and am told on numerous occasions that I have a 'really sexy accent' (which I can't actually hear myself) and nice eyes youth is escaping me.  So the best way to combat things is probably to copy Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory and have a portable me on a stand doing everything in the outside world while I stay inside the comfort of my own flat.  It will be a shot of my eyes and Wii fit screen in the background.

And yes... I know.."These are dimensions of the imagination.. it is an area which we call... The Twilight Zone. " And you my friend, have just entered it!

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,

Well today is January 25th and it is the birthday of one of Scotland's greatest poets, Robert Burns.  So born on this day 1759 was Robert Burns who wrote poems about Tim'rous beasties (which turned out to be about a mouse).  At school I had to memorise this poem when I was about 8 can't remember that much of it now mind.

So, to celebrate the Baird's birthday we have Burn's night which involves eating Haggis, Neeps and tatties.  I am not going to go into the in(nnards) and outs of Haggis as it is a bit vile, but does taste nice.  I am going to stick true to my heritage and have the above meal this evening (wish me luck) but, unlike the functions they have on this day in hotels I will not be piping in the Haggis.  That was the one thing that was highly embarrassing working in hotels on this night.  Walking into a crowded restaurant carrying a Haggis following a Piper.  For those of you that don't know here is a translation guide to the above:

  • Wee                                      Small
  • Sleekit                                   Crafty/Sly
  • beastie                                   animal
  • neeps                                     turnip
  • tatties                                     potato
  • Haggis                                   According to some sources, the wild haggis's left and right legs are     of different lengths (cf. Sidehill gouger or Dahu), allowing it to run quickly around the steep mountains and hillsides which make up its natural habitat, but only in one direction. It is further claimed that there are two varieties of haggis, one with longer left legs and the other with longer right legs. The former variety can run clockwise around a mountain (as seen from above) while the latter can run anticlockwise.[The two varieties coexist peacefully but are unable to interbreed in the wild because in order for the male of one variety to mate with a female of the other, he must turn to face in the same direction as his intended mate, causing him to lose his balance before he can mount her. As a result of this difficulty, differences in leg length among the haggis population are accentuat.  (wikipedia)

Lang may yer lum reek

Doctor Who Misadventure, mistype, misheard

I was reading through a couple of Doctor Who websites, as you do at 20 past midnight when you can't sleep and came across a fascinating entry.  I quote from and entry about Meglos "As such, it is worshiped by the Deons (led by Jacqueline Pierce who formerly played companion Barbara Wright)'"  Really I thought blimey Servalan in the TARDIS would have been interesting.  Yes I know Jacqueline Pierce was in The Two Doctor's but still, imagine her as a companion!

This made me think of other misquotations or misheard parts of Doctor Who.  Here are some of my favourites:

  • When Rose turns to Lady Isobel  in Tooth and Claw and said "You to you lazy shit".  She actually says "You to your Ladyship" but now I can't help hearing the previous.
  • Quite a lot of Billy Hartnell (god bless him)  With the classic "You'll end up as burnt cinders floating around in Spain"  Replace Spain for Space.
  • Dear friend of mine misheard Genesis of the Daleks 'norms' being called 'gnomes'
  • Tom Baker's Back off combined with Stay Back to come up with 'Spack off!'  which I much prefer
  • Peter Davidson, Peter Davison - Delete as Appropriate
Anyway, with these thoughts now swirling through the empty void which is otherwise known as my brain I am off to bed.  

Adios mi Amigos

Friday, 21 January 2011

It's Retro Time..

It is weird being in the office early on a Friday.  It gives you time to talk about things that you enjoyed as a kid be it, sweets, music or TV.  Here is my top list of bygone things. So 'Sword of Omen's give me Sight beyond sight.'

Sweets  (come on we'll start with the good stuff.. )
  • Pacers..  80's sweets that were sort of like a spearmint stripey Starburst.
  • Caramac... originally from the 70's and you can still get this now....Melt in the mouth Caramel bar
  • Flying Saucers.... Who knew that rice paper filled with Sherbet could be that moreish.. Well it was to me
  • Marathon Bars.... Renamed to Snickers today but I am sure they used to be bigger and nuttier.
  • Pink Panther bars.... Strawberry flavoured chocolate but very sickly.
  • Space Dust..... the original popping candy
  • Spangles.... fruit or Mint varieties
  • Toffos.....Strawberry, Chocolate or Banananananana flavoured chews

Television (Children's TV mainly.  Not including Doctor Who as that is still running :-)  )
  • Playschool.... 'What's the day?... Ready to play?'  Poor Hamble the doll was always bullied by Little Ted.
  • PlayAway...Sort of a longer version of Playschool
  • Super Ted... 1982, I needed to watch it with my 1 year old brother honest.. well that and it had Jon Pertwee voicing Spotty.. Does anyone know the magic word?  Hold on there was Super Ted, Little and Big Ted from  Playschool,  the Care Bears, Hair Bear bunch, Yogi bear.. Did I have a bear obsession from an early age??
  • Paddington Bear... Oh look another bear..Mmm marmalade sandwiches.  I'm sure my little brother kept calling this Padditon
  • The Magic Roundabout...Gotta love the spaced out Dylan rabbit and Dougal with his 'sugar cubes'
  • The Clangers... I'm sure the Iron Chicken was based on Margaret Thatcher!
  • Ivor the Engine...Who can remember the name of the Dragon?
  • Mr Benn... He never actually bought anything did he...
  • Multitude of cartoons such as The Pink Panther, Hair bear bunch, Heman (Swoon), Thundercats (swoon again), Captain Caveman (No swoon), Hong Kong Phooey and DangerMouse.  So many to choose from however I still have a soft spot for Dungeons and Dragons.  After a conversation with my brother I re found Paul Daniels and Wizbit.. Strange yellow triangular thing (Wizbit not my brother) with Wooley the rabbit. 'Ha ha this away'.  My bro seems to remember the Little green man and Zoom Zoom (another strange cartoon about a green alien and from a yellow ball of floating schtuff)
  • Banana Splits... Used to love the Arabian Nights Cartoon...I once said 'Siiiize of an Elephant' and look it stuck till today.
  • Ludwig... A classical music playing egg... No it's true honest.
  • Saturday Morning TV... Such delights as Number 73 with Sandy Toksvig, Glenn Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade (which I think was on  Scottish TV only with a talking oil lamp called Paladin and a 2 dogs called Rudi and Rusty) and of course Swap Shop.

See, now I am wanting to watch Super Ted... How old am I?  You may also notice Small Wonder or Metal Mickey didn't get a mention.  Damn they have now!!!

Go Go Gadget legs!!

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

I dreamed a Dream

Blogs are updated to show how people are currently feeling, gets ideas out there etc.  I think the below lyrics from Les Mis somes it up today.  Only thing is a) I'm not Susan Boyle, b) I'm not destitue as Fantine was whilst singning this:

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

© Copyright to  Cameron Mackintosh etc etc

There endith today's lesson.  The funny thing is I am actually in a good mood, happy and not feeling sorry for myself.  It's just strange how song lyrics can sum things up sometimes.

Monday, 17 January 2011

There's an App for that!

I've just been looking at my IPhone and realised that with all it's potential as a camera, an ipod and even as a phone, the majority of my usage is down to the common App!! 

I have them all neatly in folders on my first screen.  They are broken down into Social sites which is your common 'man hunting' app and yes, it needs it own folder as I have 6 apps dedicated to that task.  Next folder, shopping.  Tesco, Argos, Amazon, Ebay and so forth.  In case I get stuck for something to cook even with my 75 cookbooks, I have a couple of cookbook apps which are actually handy as you type in main ingredients and it will tell you a load of scrummy meals.  The cookbook apps lie within Lifestyle which ironically also contains the Ifitness app and the MyFitnessPal app.  Both of which I do actually use a lot.

Lets see, so far my folders have been gay, gay and oh yes gay.  5 more folders; Music, Games, Entertainment, Services and Productivity.  Services and Productivity can be the butch ones (well not including the Encyclopedia on Greek Gods and Goddesseseses)!!

I find it extremely handy to log into an app to transfer money through paypal, look at my bank account or even control my itunes on my PC by remote if I am sitting more than 1 foot away from my computer.  Laziness doth rule!  But I know there are some extremely weird apps out there so I thought I would hunt them down.   Here are my top 5:

  • IVoodo where you are provided a little onscreen doll for you to name and then stick pins in till your heart(s) content.
  • Werewolf locator.  You'd be surprised how many are actually around us.
  • IDied. This app is chock full of surprising, gruesome and unbelievable true stories of unusual deaths around the world. There are eight categories, Technology, Fire, Body, Eating, Freak Accidents, Animals, Unclassifiable, and Just plain stupid. While some categories only have a couple of stories, others have more than thirty interesting death stories to choose from! Honestly, this will keep you occupied for hours.
  • Ghost Hunting Apps. There is a talk EVP tool that measures energy and translates this into spoken words. There is also an emf or electrical magnetic field detector which can detect slight fluctuations in the surrounding magnetic fields that spirits are said to have an effect on. It also has a motion detecting Geoscope which, when placed on a solid surface, will detect movement.   OK this one I may actually get due to past blogs!!!
  • Oracle Board ‘Ouija’.  Hmmm how would this work!  As a start how would everyone get their fingers on the plancette
So with portable tricoder, sonic screwdriver (yes there's an app for that) and my Ifart maker, I journey into the unknown.

Happy Apping!!

Friday, 14 January 2011

Will you marry me Marilyn?

Firstly I would like to say a huge thank you to a young Mr Lambert for my lovely new title banner.  Feel free to check out his Art work which is linked at the bottom right of this page.

So what is today's ramble all about. Well, today I share an anniversary with Marilyn Monroe.  It is a complete opposite anniversary.

On this day, 14th January 1954, Marilyn Monroe said 'I do' to New York Yankee baseball star Joe DiMaggio.   Their marriage unfortunately only lasted 254 days however, after Marilyn's death in 1962 DiMaggio claimed her body and arranged her funeral. For 20 years, he had a half-dozen red roses delivered to her crypt three times a week. 

On this day, 14th January 2001, I split from my longtime partner.  It is very doubtfull if after my death I will have half-dozen red roses delivered to my resting place.

It's weird when you start looking at periods of time.  Being single for a Decade seems to be a lot longer than being single for 10 years in my eyes.  Ten years on and I have to admit my tastes seem to have changed.  I now look towards that burly muscular kinda physique when before it was, I hate to admit it, anything goes kinda look on life.  That could be the problem.  Brighton is not really the place for said man.  If you are looking for 'Screaming Queens' then you have them in abundance.  If you much prefer a lets say 'Man's Man' then they are very much like The Doctor Who Missing Adventure Novel 'The Well Mannered War', very scarce and hard to come by.  Then again there are multiple app's to find 'your perfect man.  Yes there is an app for that!

Anyway signing off now to cruise the networks for my future husband.

Allons y

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Pretty and Witty and gay!

When I woke up this morning it seems to be a day of song.  Got up, had shower, boiled kettle for morning coffee and then it starts.  'Going through the motions' from Buffy: Once more with feeling.  OK so maybe I did start singing it a tad loud.  Get dressed, walked to bus stop, next track in head is 'I have a theory'.  Open my mouth to say good morning to neighbour and ended up spluttering 'It must could be bunnnnies'.  I think now may be a good time for me to check back into the mental asylum before they check me in.

On bus, things didn't improve.  A rather, lets say 'buff' guy sat in front of me wearing jeans and a tight tshirt.  For gawds sake it is 8.30 in the morning, it's raining, heavy pea soup fog and you are wearing a t-shirt!!!  Still that didn't stop me humming 'I feel pretty and witty and gay' from West side story to the poor sod.  Well it wasn't to him, it was more at him.  The day has progressed into tracks from Into the Woods which is one of my favourite musicals about fairytale characters such as Rapunzel ,all fighting for survival to Avenue Q, the musical with muppets with delightful songs as 'Everyone's a little bit racist', 'If you were gay' and 'The Internet is for Porn' which does actually make me laugh every time I hear it. (And yes I know that was a rather long sentence that probably should have been broken up but...meh!)

As I am about to head into an hour long conference call with my boss I think I may have to place my self on mute if I am not talking for fear of breaking into song.  See it's happening as I type... Typed the word song and bam, 'With a Smile and a Song' is in my head'.  Well that mutated with a version of the 'Happy Working Song' from Enchanted.
Yup I'm queer, I'm here and I'm looking forward to the Tonys in June!

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

I'm Charmed, Bewitched and did I mention dead!

I think last night, during my 3 hours of sleep, I had one of the weirdest dreams that I can remember.  For some reason I was a nose twitching, telekinetic ghost with the power to speed up or slow down molecules.  I presume the ghost part came from watching 3 hours of Ghost stories with a certain Mr Who.  As for the cross between Samantha Stephens and the entire female cast of Charmed stems from some deep rooted fantasy that I am obviously trying to escape from reality.  The good thing about the dream was that I got to team up with a certain Bruce Wayne and Kal-El Again, probably remnants of something I had watched earlier. 

Anyway dreams aside, some of the ghost stories displayed and some of the evidence that was caught on film was pretty weird whilst other things such as orbs, or dust particles as they are commonly known filled the screen were a little bit.. dear god why!  It was good to see the Good Ole Queen Mary which is now a floating hotel appear in an episode.  My evening upon that ship was definitely one of the spookiest evenings I have ever had. 

The whole ghost sightings programs reawakened my dwindling passion for the 'paranormal'.  Sometimes I wish I hadn't given away the mountain of Case studies, field reports and books on the Parapsychology. I really, really want to get back into it.  To have an objective view as to what may, or may not have been seen or heard. It was 'fun times' seeing unexplained lights, men with seemingly broken necks, disembodied voices or my favourite quote of all time (whilst staying in a hotel room with ghostly shadows and self turning on kettles)  "I'm going to sleep" to which my friends reply was "No you're bloody not!"

After my previous blog, 2011 may be the year of the ghost hunting. 

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

How to Spend a penny on Zolfa-Thura

I just love getting bills through the post.  What better way to part with my well earned cash.  Who needs Doctor Who DVD's, figures or even food when I have bills to pay for.  The best bill I have received to date has come from EDF energy supply.  Are you ready for the whopping amount to be paid??  The amount that needs to be paid is a staggering 1p.  Now do I pay it at once or break it into several mini payments (shame the half penny is no longer valid.)

On a happier note, yesterday heralded the release on DVD of the Cactus that tried to take over the universe.  I know that a lot of people don't like Meglos as a story but it has Lalla W in it as well as the delightful Jacqueline Hill (one the the very first Doctor Who companions for those without the know).  Jacqueline has abandoned her robust, Universe saving cardigans that she wore when she played Barbera and moved onto a, well what I think looks like a character turban in shocking purple.  The poor Doctor and Romana start of in a chronic hysteresis, which does sound like something a medical Doctor should treat and I know for a fact many a fan boy has recreated whilst wagging poor K9's tail as they go.  Poor Dog.

So with a prickly Tom Baker, Brotadac (which I believe was an anagram of "Bad Actor' an in joke of the Production team at the time) and a very unfair kicked K9 by Bill Fraser (See Poor dog above, it's not his day), grab hold of your Dodecahedron and head for Tigella!

Monday, 10 January 2011

Directional Control Malfunction!

I think, like the Meddling Monk, some pesky Time Lord has been into my life and stolen my personal Directional Unit.  Here is me now, spinning wildly out of control and heading for a mighty icy planet (and me without my thermals!!)
So, what has 10 days into 2011 brought me?  Nothing but confusion and concern, which, will probably account for my lack of sleeping.  I've tried counting Cybermen, Daleks but to no avail...So I started to look at life, not the best move I've ever done but I guess, it needed to be done none the same. I look around my friends, they can draw, write, knit exceedingly good cakes scarves.  Some of them go to the gym constantly and it shows, some have weekly podcasts.  I even have some friends that could debate the arse off Aristotle and debunk the entire Christian belief.  So what can I do?  I can find my way around a computer, whoo hoo most people can now a days.  I can.. wait no that's it.  No I lie, I can cook however,cooking for one does not have the same impact! My days of treading the boards, acting out Shakespeare or singing alongside the missed Hinge and Bracket are long gone.  Nothing but a distant memory now.   Everything now stems from a lack of motivation.  Yes I could go to the gym 4 times a week as I used to but for what reason do I have.  Would it be for me to make myself feel good or, to become more desirable to others which in today's gay society seems to be a must.  Completely wrong reason for me I am afraid.  Whilst I would love to fill the void of perpetual loneliness surely I want people to see me for me!! 
I think that is why I like the idea of being part of a Podcast.  It can give you a feeling of family and closeness with everyone chatting and debating the meaning of life.  If I could draw, I could give pleasure to others by my work, the same goes with the knitting.  The big grins I have seen when someone has been presented with a Doctor Who scarf.   Yes it probably does sound as if I am jealous of my friends but, I am actually extremely thankful that I have such talented and wonderful friends.
So, how do I move forward?  How do I become the happy little bunny that everyone expects?  I understand why, as Kenneth Williams and Tony Handock wrote about that, whilst you try to please others and be a happy upbeat person, inside you are being ripped apart from being alone. Yes, I agree that I probably need a hobby and to quote 'Get a life'  but first I need motivation to do such.  I need the old What's In it for me? ha ha.  Maybe I need to catch myself a man (with a rather large butterfly net).  No, the idea of going to pubs and clubs to find one doesn't appeal to me, especially in Brighton or I will be the 'dirty old man' in the corner that I used to 'point' at when I was younger.

Randomiser engaged.  Co-ordinates now scrambled!  Hopefully I will arrive at picture 2 not 1