Monday, 10 January 2011

Directional Control Malfunction!

I think, like the Meddling Monk, some pesky Time Lord has been into my life and stolen my personal Directional Unit.  Here is me now, spinning wildly out of control and heading for a mighty icy planet (and me without my thermals!!)
So, what has 10 days into 2011 brought me?  Nothing but confusion and concern, which, will probably account for my lack of sleeping.  I've tried counting Cybermen, Daleks but to no avail...So I started to look at life, not the best move I've ever done but I guess, it needed to be done none the same. I look around my friends, they can draw, write, knit exceedingly good cakes scarves.  Some of them go to the gym constantly and it shows, some have weekly podcasts.  I even have some friends that could debate the arse off Aristotle and debunk the entire Christian belief.  So what can I do?  I can find my way around a computer, whoo hoo most people can now a days.  I can.. wait no that's it.  No I lie, I can cook however,cooking for one does not have the same impact! My days of treading the boards, acting out Shakespeare or singing alongside the missed Hinge and Bracket are long gone.  Nothing but a distant memory now.   Everything now stems from a lack of motivation.  Yes I could go to the gym 4 times a week as I used to but for what reason do I have.  Would it be for me to make myself feel good or, to become more desirable to others which in today's gay society seems to be a must.  Completely wrong reason for me I am afraid.  Whilst I would love to fill the void of perpetual loneliness surely I want people to see me for me!! 
I think that is why I like the idea of being part of a Podcast.  It can give you a feeling of family and closeness with everyone chatting and debating the meaning of life.  If I could draw, I could give pleasure to others by my work, the same goes with the knitting.  The big grins I have seen when someone has been presented with a Doctor Who scarf.   Yes it probably does sound as if I am jealous of my friends but, I am actually extremely thankful that I have such talented and wonderful friends.
So, how do I move forward?  How do I become the happy little bunny that everyone expects?  I understand why, as Kenneth Williams and Tony Handock wrote about that, whilst you try to please others and be a happy upbeat person, inside you are being ripped apart from being alone. Yes, I agree that I probably need a hobby and to quote 'Get a life'  but first I need motivation to do such.  I need the old What's In it for me? ha ha.  Maybe I need to catch myself a man (with a rather large butterfly net).  No, the idea of going to pubs and clubs to find one doesn't appeal to me, especially in Brighton or I will be the 'dirty old man' in the corner that I used to 'point' at when I was younger.

Randomiser engaged.  Co-ordinates now scrambled!  Hopefully I will arrive at picture 2 not 1


1 comment:

  1. I send you this, meant with love.


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